When your heart feels so heavy you don't know what's sinking it anymore

yea. feeling really really down now.

don't know why also.
I guess it's partially the problem outside, as well as my still ongoing ones inside.

I've been struggling mentally and socially for these past few weeks.
Everytime i think i have control or that i've found a solution, some unexpected event comes right up and proves me wrong.

I really can't take this any longer.
I don't know what the hell you want with me.
But you win.
So hurry up and tell me what the hell you want me to do.
Tell me before I run to death.
Tell me before I crumble.
Tell me.

What do you hope to achieve by waking me up with the sounds of my shouting parents fighting outside the door?
What do you hope to achieve by plunging me in such a hostile environment with no safe shelters?
What do you hope to achieve by making me fail all my test even though I studied for them?
What do you hope to achieve by defeating me, then tricking me with false hopes?
What do you hope to achieve by screwing up my mental mind?

Congratulations.
You've successfully made me so much in fear through my parents' fighting that I'm not gonna marry for the rest of my life.
You've successfully brought me down so low that I don't think I'll ever get to feel happy without a worry again.
You've successfully made me feel so lonely and alone in this world, I'm never gonna feel the warmth of pure friendship again.
You've successfully made me the victim of all the bad ways of the world, I'm never going enjoy fun without a care in the world again.

Know what? I surrender.
Just do and take what you want from me. now.
I've got no will to carry on any longer.
My exterior has been utterly destroyed by you.
And now my interior is getting corrupted by your toxins.

I give up.