The Dreams Of Reality

ok do you know how.
that the worst nightmares.

are not the ones with scary things
like zombies or monsters or aliens.

but are those who break your heart.
those realistic scenarios that just break your heart.

I just had it.
I think Morpheous is damn pissed at me.

Or wants to take revenge for something.
I've been having a multitude of dreams for the past few days.

All of them pretty good.
I mean.

I got a free laptop.(3rd day)
I got myself a kissing scene.(It's not that enjoyable, really.)(2nd day)
I got myself playing pokemon cards in cat high and getting almost caught.(1st day)
i think got a few more, but i can't really go back.

anyway the thing is.
they've been occuring so close.

ok so since the above were like positive stuff.
so maybe morpheous decided to shoot me all the bad stuff at once.

or something.
I got myself a day at Heartache Entertainment Centre(ok i shall explain the different settings later)

First it was a movie with friends(I only remember one of them being hao nam) about something bad.
then after that we walked out and then we wanted to play at this enclosed area.
I saw it was $6.50 to go in.
and thought it was too expensive.
then the rest went in and played ice-skating.
while i was outside.
then i think daryl came out and started scolding me.
like loser and scaredy-cat and whatsnot.

then after that while they were playing ice-skating,
i saw clinton and his class.
they were going off the ecp for some bbq or something.
then they were lost.
and looking for directions.

then after that was really bad part.
i'm not going to say.
but it was really really heartbreaking.
i mean.
at the end i was running back towards the mrt station tearing.
what the hell cans.
(ok, there was a girl and another guy involved.but i'm not going to say who.)

shit la.
then i woke up.

and i'm still trauamatized.
but come to think of it.

the dream just showed off all my insecure areas of me.
and all my paranoia coming true.
which is bad.

And i guess I need to change myself soon.
i need to analyse this dream further.

it's not one of those junk dreams.
this is one of those dreams where the sub conscious
really tries to tell you the problems that lies within you.
and the stuff to look out for.

ok. anyway.
the different settings in the dreams.

shall talk about the bad ones first.

-Haunted Food Centre
--being there a few times already. always with friends. and for some reason very happy. then I'll meet someone that i thought was good friend with me. but for some reason he/she will show me his/her true colors.

-Heartache Entertainment Centre
--It's like a big indoors theme park.with movies and playing stuff and convention rooms and toys and stuff. everyone is always happy and I am too. but they will aalways say stuff to really hurt you so you feel really really really bad inside.(one of my most hated settings.)

-Empty Hospital
--ok this is like more of an action dream setting? than a bad one. i had a zombie invasion with class 4-5 all trying to kill them with guns. that was a cool dream.

now the good ones.

ok i can't think of any at the moment.

guess that's all.
feel better after writing it out.
bye.

hell.

i don't have any events on Christmas day. hell.
can't believe it.

shit.

hell. was looking through facebook.
then i realized something.

I'm either damn damn DAMN not photogenic.
or i'm really super ugly.

i dunno!
I mean i can't even bear to look at my own picture for more than 5 seconds la.

I look like Alvin Woon.
except worse.

SHIT.
and was looking through the old archives of the class blog.

and realized my looks plus my actions.
make me look gay AND ugly.

it's like a sudden delightenment.
i mean.
i knew i wasn't good-looking la.
but not to this extent.
shit.

shit.
shit.
shit.

I need advice.
rawr.

Wedding Blues

just came back from my cousin's wedding.
didn't talk to alot of people.
so did alot of thinking and stoning.

ok shall post my ramblings here.

Disclaimer: I don't talk to my cousins much? ok actually i don't talk to them at all. cause they're all like... even the youngest one(besides me and my bro) are long out of army already. all around 29 to 31 age range. so don't really have much to talk about.

ok these are my thoughts ramblings:

when I first walked into oriental mandarin hotel(or i think that's what it's called) i thought.

Wedding dinners are stupid.

it's not a specific wedding dinner, certainly not the one i'm attending. but generally wedding dinners.
just a few weeks ago, i still thought, 'why not?'
ok it all happened a few weeks' ago.
my mom was still giving me the girlfriend lecture.
then she asked me,
when you are gonna marry your girlfriend, would you prefer a damn grand wedding dinner? or marry on a honeymoon?
I thought about it. then told her, 'Wedding dinner.'
she asked me why.
i told her ' cause it's to show everyone that she's like officially my wife?'
then she told me,'when you are gonna marry your girlfriend, take her far far away to a romantic place on earth and marry her there.'
and she told me not to bother setting up a dinner.
cause it was brainless to spend tens of thousands of dollars on friends and families and others that we didn't even know.
i didn't like quite agree with her then.

but just now. i kind of thought it out.
and she was right.
she was 100% right.
let's look at it.
from the economical point of view:
you're spending ok.
let's say a grand wedding dinner like the one i attended tonight.
one table was 900 bucks.
there were 30 tables there.
we're talking about 27 thousand bucks just for the wedding dinner.
which does not include the misc. costs like wedding cake, wedding photos and other stuff.
and you are spending money on some people that you do not even interact with often.
then if you bring her to let's say. Paris, France(ok that's like romantic.)
and you can live there like a king and queen and have the most romantic time of your life. and you will spend a max of let's say 20k. and still come back with piles of shopping bags.
heck man, you can even tip each waiter and waitress who serve you 10 bucks and still come back spending less than a wedding dinner.

then there was the romance point of view.
which is more romantic. a week in paris, looking at the effiel tower, sitting by the bank of the river(i can't remember the name at the moment) and having a nice french supper,going shopping and buying lots of nice stuff with just the two of you.
or having to spend a night dressed in 2 stuffy suits, having to proclaim your love to so many people and smiling away taking pictures at every single table knowing you just wasted 900 bucks on them?

Then there was the social point of view.
we should say a thank-you to parents, friends and relatives who have supported us.
and the dinner to do it.
yes that is true, but the problem is.
when a dinner happens, so many people are actually like almost strangers.
they just invite here invite there anywhere.
why not just a nice big grand dinner for that close circle of friends and family?
i think that is more worth it.

ok then the second thing when i saw my relatives were.
every single one.(yes, every single one) said i was hella skinny.
they all see me was like 'eh, ni zai jian fei ar'(eh, you dieting ar)
haha the last time they saw me was like in september.
hahaha ok i was damn pleased.
super happy! =D

then. the most probably last thing.
one of my cousin's boyfriend looks damn much like one of my classmate's boyfriend.
ahh hell. but just older and chubbier looking. but still. the face just looks like.
ahh wells.

hmmm then we went home at around 11 plus.
my dad was complaining about my mom and stuff as usual.
cause she doesn't want to acknowledge my dad's side relatives.
so she like just doesn't even go to these kinda stuff.
I had the song 'tree hugger' on throughout.

and i looked out of the window.
and i thought.

Lucky I'm a retainee.

yeapps. that's all.
seeya.