Fugitive.

I think I'm mentally unstable.

Dad intends to cut off internet connection.
which is like... a good thing?

I hope I can get myself some company by then.
So i don't have to like come online so often.

Told my dad my future plans today at dinner,
when he asked.
and he seemed pleased.

But still...
something feels wrong.

I think I have self-esteem problem.
though the stuff are like... facts?
so they don't really count as self-esteem problems, do they.

And I feel like fighting against air for air.
this feeling sucks.

I need re-assurance.

Anger

I think my threshold for patience is shortening out at a crazy rate.
happens every year.
I need somewhere and someone to release out my anger on.

just stay away from me now.

I think I'm just ranting nonsense.

need.
sleep.

bleh.

I am so utterly confused.

going crazy.

ahh who cares.

I'm having a new lease of life in AJC anyways.

Pissed.

I think I'm going to get pissed off very soon.
It's just a matter of in how many minutes' time.

Now, buzz off.

Faith

I think I just exhausted my supply of faith on all of them.

I'm starting to feel depressed.

I need faith. now.

Or maybe I just need sleep.

nights.

Not another burnout. nonono.

and I just got the news from the class blog.
The 3 of 'em all made it.

Happy for them.
Can't really feel sad cause that will be selfish of me.

though it would be nice having them around in J1.

and it leads me to the all 'I'm emo cause I'm a retainee' thing again.
Guess life really wants me to learn a lesson.

But still....

And the pace in Publications are really picking up.Like damn fast.
Meeting almost every day now.
which is like... very hectic.

But we really can get stuff done.

Hope the response will be good when everything comes out. =)

And it would be horrendous for me to burnout even before I start my academic term.
Please please let me hang in there.

I'm just hoping to hell the new batch can be trusted.
and they're the batch of the monkey.

which means... they're hyperactive and super on.
which is good. =)

I'm damn sick of people who can't be trusted.
But I'm kinda betrayed a secret too.
So I'm confused too.

I just need to sleep.

Late Night.Early Morning.

Boo.

ok the new PE attire is suppose to be modeled after Chelsea.
Like WTH? Utimate disgrace to Chelsea cans.

And i do see no point in hating anymore.

As Yoda has put it quite nicely,
fear leads to hate,
hate leads to anger,
and anger leads to whatever.

ok actually that was totally random.
but still...

And I'm glad to actually wash my hands off the '08 batch.
Besides my CCA and a few members of the class,
I really see no point in hanging on.

I can almost see next year.
This year's batch are way too evil and deceptive.

And we're suppose to be year of the goat some more.
whatever happened to kind and nice people.

Anyway I had a really fun time with 4-5 today.
Makes me really wish we could all go JC together.

Went to play LAN at first and we were all shouting and screaming.
Then even at Seoul Garden. Even though we have not seen each others for like at least a year(for some of them),
we could still talk and joke like it was just yesterday we studied in the same class.
Victor and Gabriel were still fighting and quarreling after so long.
Which is super funny.
Then went back to play LAN. My mum called and asked like where are you
Told her I was at LAN.
Then she say "what you doing there, there got bad people, hurry come home!"
What the hell la.
make me die from a assault rifle because of that.
But nonetheless.
I still miss cat high.
probably more than ever.
When there are just guys together, all the feelings and stuff we say are real.
Which means.
Girls are evil.
They are PURE evil.
I've seen with my own eyes how many guys have already changed.
because of them.

They should all go and die.
I hate all girls.

ok I'm just being childish.
But I've seriously got enough girls to last me all the way through university already.

Let's hope I can get an all-boys class next year.
hope hope hope.

oh oh. and nick quake has got a reflection paragraph.
that i think pretty much says it better than my childish words above.

"Truth be told, I am beginning to lose a lot of faith in the other gender. Don't get me wrong, there are those of you out there, some who I had the pleasure of befriending, who are great people. I thank you for being there. Yet, there are those that just love to bite the hand of guys who try to be at least courteous or gentlemanly. I shall not name the many instances where this has occurred. No wonder you girls keep complaining that guys can be real jerks. Cos when you bastardise a guy for long enough don't blame him for being an ass back to you. Wonder what happened to all the white knights out there? Well, they've been taken advantage of, insulted and ignored as "they are too weak and pushy" or "the bad boys are cooler" so yeah maybe I shall be more of an ass this year...maybe I can survive longer."

It's like...
I couldn't agree more.

Stuff to do.

thanks for the comments on my tag.
don't know exactly what to reply each of you,
but just gotta say thanks.

oh and jenna i didn't know you're so evil. hah. =x

I just realized I have alot of stuff to do.
Looking from the big picture, I'm practically task-less.

But when you go into the details, there are so much stuff.
Un-done. Un-completed.

Publications for one.
I seriously thought the busy period for Publications were finally over
with the success of the project.

Until I sat down tonight and think about the details.
that i realize there are actually hell lot more.

coming my way. and i just do not have the manpower.
or the people with the skills to complete them.

There are many things that this cca can accomplish and do.
We just need raw manpower and skilled people.
Rachel will most likely be joining us tomorrow.

Which marks a good sign in the manpower section.
We will need to increase our efforts double this coming cca fair
if we're going to get more members.

My team has excellent members, this I do not deny.
My team have the brains and creativity that goes way above average in AJC.

They may not all be skilled in the needed areas,
but their always-brilliant ideas makes up for it.

Maybe the only flaw is that they think this cca is a small cca that is not regarded.
and the opinions from the rest of AJ is definitely not helping.

Even we've received a notice to cut down the cca.

I think one of the first ever reasons
I wanted to join Publications was cause it was not a main-stream cca.
Then all the other reasons came along and I joined with Shaun.

I hate everything mainstream.
from religion to choice of music to whatever.

However, this cca really has potential.
And I plan to help it reach it's potential.

Of course, it will not be easy.
As seen from the many problems we've encountered along the way.

In fact, it will take many years, decades even,
if we are to actually make it up there with the rest of the ccas.

But I think it is highly possible.
And I plan to start the wave rolling.

Shit I'm getting too deep in thought here.
ok nvm.Life's not getting any better now that '09 is here.

Let's hope everything will settle down by the time my academic year starts.

Hate.

for some reason,
hating someone is much harder
than i thought it would be.

no matter how many reasons i have.
I always end up feeling bad.

this sucks.