The Seduction Of Solitude

really don't know what to post now.
Don't want to say too much,
yet dying to say it.

A whole lot of stuff to study,
and yet I haven't started.
actually had plans to solve all the revision and stuff.
but after all the downs,
guess they've all gone up in smoke.

today had been a really boring day.
couldn't actually bring myself to study.
so slacked around.

Looks like I can't study alone.
But after all the stuff that has happened.
I'll have to learn.
the secret of solitude.

I'm stumped as in what to blog.
Normally, I'll just rant and rant like nobody's business.
but i guess with all the stuff that happened.
and the illusion of trust cleared from my view.
Learnt not to say so much.

Blog now has 6k over views.
pretty amazingly.
though it also means my blog is too public.
and the stuff i post are sometimes not meant to be well, so public.

Maybe i really shld start privatizing this blog.
so ya.


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To think out of humans' logic,
is the greatest knowledge,
only a crazy person can achieve.
-Yeo WenBin
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The Aftermath.

so erm.
Lots of stuff happening in my life lately.
None are good.

so.
I bet you guys won't need any more summaries.
erm.
Some people can't see I'm in enough emotional pain already and still wants to spite me.

so ya.
I still stand by my self.
And I do see ,now that trust is out of the way, the happenings around me.
I can spot now, the traps laid for me.
and dodge them accordingly.

And i can't believe all those kind and innocent things i said while i was blinded by trust.
But now i see.
the faults of the world.

how friends just try to trick things out of you and get you into trouble.
how people are joking with you while backstabbing you at the same time.
I see it all now.

I'm probably going crazy.
yea.
that's it.

That' what i've always wanted anyway.
to be able to go crazy.
only by going crazy can we see out of logic.
sigh.

so.
stop asking me about what i mean on my blog posts.
if i put there as unknown.
it's MEANT to be unknown.
so stop it before i start a private blog.
i guess nobody cares anyway.
i should be happy there's someone reading this.

My life sucks.
and nobody can disagree more.

P.S. thanks to some special people who has been well, not spiting me while i was being so down.

When emotions explode.

I'm sobbing as this post is being typed out now.

my mum just screamed at me for not doing chores.
and my dad went out and started taking the bamboo sticks and destroying them.
I screamed at both of them and shouted out all the unhappiness i had in this family.
I was crying by then.

I rose from last in class to 8th, did they even praise me?
They were just bothered about quarrelling and fighting.
Everyday, my dad just comes home and drink till he's fucking drunk and start fighting with my mom.
My mom knows my dad is petty, yet she keeps fucking insulting him.
My brother just knows how to game and game, yet keeps accusing my parents of being bias.
I can't even concentrate on my studies with them fucking quarreling and fighting.
While I'm studying, my bro tells his parents I'm gaming.

I'm sick of this fucking family.
I'm sick of this fucking home.
I want OUT.

Maybe voicing out all those is doing me good. Now they know how much i fucking hate this lousy shit.
I'm still sobbing, and can't stop. It's been a long time since I cried, the last time was sec 1.

I'm looking for a place to stay for tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the house first thing in the morning tomorrow.
and hopefully, I'll never go back.