In Five Years Time.

I don't like the world.

Maybe if I lived in the world of comedy.
Where every other word spoken can elicit laughter,
and all important issues can be solved in the span of an hour.

I think that there is a difference,
between people in shows,
and people in real life.

People in show dare.
Because they are fictitious.
Ask a girl out.
Impersonate another person.
Actually flip a table in anger.


Maybe if people in this world,
dared a bit more.
Everything would be so much better.

But now, it just seems like I'm the only one.

And it feels weird having just me.

Just read a piece by A.J. Jacobs on his try at Radical Honesty.

Sounds tempting,
but i'll probably pass this time.
too much at stake.

for now, i'm just lazing about at home.
and debating with myself whether I should change my crazily overdue blogskin.
I probably should,
although by now i would have forgotten everything,
so i'll have to start over.

sigh, the choices.

Everyone knows I'm in over my head.

My heart's gone.
chasing after every little thing.

no longer any sense of reality.

I want to come back,
but every other part of me tells me it's impossible.

Gone through too much,
known too much,
suffered too much.


and now we are here,
in a deep dark hole of no escape.
merely the light,
always shining in from the top.

mocking,
laughing,
tempting.

There is something very wrong,
and I need to figure it out.

but where do I start?

My heart's gone.
and my head's buried in mountains of dirt,
of trash.

I don't want to fight anymore,
I just want to live.

but then again, today's friday the 13th.
so maybe something'll change tomorrow.