When you realize the truth

planned to do a really emo and self-degrading post, but my dad forced me to go out and buy printer and groceries stuff, so I just reached home.

Did some thinking on the way to woodlands, and kinda came to realization.
I now realize what's been wrong all along.
What I've been yearning for was all along an illusion.
An imaginary hope created by the heat-oppressed brain.
Another trick set by Fate.

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Bonnie Yew had been living in a closet all his life. The closet had been his home and all that he knew of. He did not bother and knew about the world outside. Living in his cosy little corner of the closet was his idea of a future. Where no one outside could touch him.

He once was just like everyone else. Living outside the closet. In the world wide beyond. However, he was once shut in this closet for a prank and they could not get him out. He was since presumed dead.

Bonnie found food and internet and all sorts of entertainment in that magical closet.
And so, He lived there, eating fast food and playing computer games or watching tv whenever he felt bored.

His friends found a backdoor into the closet one day. And from then on, they would visit regularly.However, they were all boys, just like him. Sitting around every night, he would sit around and listen to their wondrous tales of the world outside, where the girls interacted with the boys, and life was more fun than he could ever imagine.

And just like that, 6 long years passed. He had grown fat from all the fast food, and his language consisted of only computer games and cartoon shows. His friends all grew up and had disappeared one by one. And soon, he was left all alone in the closet once again.

One sunny day, he decided to pluck out his bravery and peer out of the closet door. What he saw took his breath away. Within the 6 years he was away and lost in contact with the outside world, the girls had changed so much. They were no longer the girls where he used to play with and didn't bother anything in the world. Rather, they wore skimpy clothes and acted like they were boss. Just like what his friends had told him, the girls now interacted with the boys freely.

With his heart thumping deep in his heart, he cautiously opened the door. Everyone stared at him. He had lost all sense of fashion or language skills in the 6 years he was away. He could still talk to boys who communicated computer games and cartoon shows, as he chatted regularly with his friends. A girl came up to him and giggled.

He tried to speak, but no words would come out. He tried to look at her, but his eyes kept focusing on his own shoes. He tried to balance, but yet his world suddenly felt shaky. He tried to think, but his brain was all blank.

As he walked around, he could see out of the corner of his eyes the girls shunting him. He had grown ugly and uncommunicative in his 6 years.Although they tried to show him that they didn't treat him differently, he could see. He could see how he seemed to be losing out.

He tried once again to open his mouth when another girl walked passed him. A soft "hello" came out. The girl turned and greeted him back, then skipped off to chat with another boy.

He wanted to cry.
He wanted to know why the world has changed so much.
He wanted to know what he was doing wrong.
He wanted to know why Life was treating him this way.
He wanted to know the answers.

And so, with a heavy heart, he crept back to his closet.
He peered outside one last time.
Looked at the changing world.
Looked at himself.
He sighed, and closed the door.
Hoping that when he next opens it, the world will be a better place.
Maybe a place where he could find himself comfortable with.
A world where he would be accepted.

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Coming out of the Closet

Hmm. tomorrow have ogf training whole day, tiring.

went out for dinner with feng and gang. first nice meal in three days. ><

I'm feeling damn emo and sian this few days. Like the whole world is out against me.
Hmm, maybe it is, I never know.

Everything is seriously like going against what i expect la.
damn sickening.

guess that's all, tired.
needa my beauty sleep.
seeeeya!

The Defeated Failure

This is going to be one emo post. Do not read on if you're not interested.

This is it. I give up.
I know when I'm beaten, I know when I'm gone.
Who am I to use faith to go against fate?

What fate depicts, it inscribes.
Nothing I do will be able to un-do the damage it cause, nor the prophecy it says.
Why bother using faith as an excuse to try and change fate?

I understand now.
I have been demanding too much from life.
and now I'm being reminded by it.

I wanted to settle in as quickly and nicely as possible.
I wanted to change over a new leaf.
I wanted to study.

I wanted lots of stuff.
And unknowingly, I took it for granted when life granted them to me.

Now, fate's reminding me.
Not to be so proud.
Not to be who I am not.
Not to ask so much and give nothing in return.

Ever since I was born, I have been depicted by a fortune-teller as an ICE.
Thus my name.
Cool, calm, cold.
Loner, Keeping thoughts to oneself, and not interacting.
Not bothered by circumstances, not disturbed by surroundings.

I thought I could be more.
I tried to be more.
I tried to be who I knew I'm not.

And now, I've been reminded.
I shall surrender.
I have realized.

I am a failure.
I have been defeated.

The Social Paranoia

hiiiiya. I'm back! =D

Tons more of homework. tons more of stuff to do. gah gah.
Then the chinese project and the worksheet have to hand up like tomorrow? then so difficult some-more.

Hmmm. going out with feng they all on friday night for dinner, whee.

My sentences seem to be getting shorter and shorter. Looks like my ranting ability is declining damn fast.ahh wells.

Alright, gonna pop off to homework.

maybe I'll blog again later if I ever manage to finish that pile.

seeeya! =D


EDIT: hah.

I'm back.

just read my horoscope.

for tomorrow:

ome very good news is coming your way early on today, and it's so good that you should spend the rest of the day sharing it with the people who will get a real rush out of it. Each time you do, your energy level will rise higher and higher, and you'll get happier and happier! Ride this wave with everything you've got today, and reach out to pull others up onto your surfboard. Together, you can all elevate your energy levels and push beyond any obstacle.

woots. good news! =D

ahh, just now got a yellow box drop on my back sia. pain pain. ><

ok maybe i'll post again later, seeya!

Welcome To My Style

wheee. just returned from the og outing. darn fun.

sadly, there seem to be less and less people every outing. ><

went to watch 26 dresses ( or was that 27? gah. Short-term memory.)

After that went to the arcade to play, spent hell lots of money there sia.

Then ate sushi buffet! ahhh. all those sushi are gonna last me till tomorrow's lunch.

Hmm, then the boys went to play pool. They just kept giggling and laughing there. not much.

Hmm. then it ended.

guess that's all.

ahhh, tomorrow got so much freakin' homework. actually don't have a lot, but it's damn difficult.

seeya. =D

The Frightened Rescue

hmmmmmm. ahhhhhhhh.

damn sian. nothing much to post.
ogf training was wayyyy fun. =D

fed in dota as always.
hmm i guess that's all.

seeeeya! =D

The Family Day Nostalgia

Gah. opened my eyes this morning just to hear my two parents quarrelling in the kitchen again. damn irritating. everyday quarrel quarrel like got not enough things to do like that. Guess I'm already numb from my previous heart-breaking encounters with these stuff.

Just plucked on my earphone, smash punk rock music to max and use the com to hide away from all the confusion and chaos outside. It always works to hide in your room. So, here I am. blogging. waiting for the freaking quarrel to end and the cold war to begin, like it always does.

You, know, the secret desire to run away from home is starting to rise back in me. The life outside on the streets, sleeping on bus-stop seats; spending time in the library, not caring about the outside world, not caring about what happens on at home, just heavenly. Perhaps if i get myself a nice good companion i really WILL run away.

I think I finally understand what love is all about now. It's just about that short term sweet-ness before it downturns into quarrels and fights and whatsnots. Now I understand why bachelors are always so much happier than married men. Everywhere I look, i see lover's quarrels, breaking up, and tears. What's the use of getting into a relationship if it's just gonna hurt you in the end? What's the use?

hmmm. I need to run away from here. I need to get out. I cannot run. I cannot escape.
I cannot escape.


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Family Day
By:Yeo WenBin

A vase flies across the room and smashes on the wall.
A Trophy soars up and scratches the ceiling.

Words Fly,
Hands Poised.

"Give me your bank account numbers!"
"Don't touch me, you monster!"

In a corner,
in a room.

Sits two children.
Huddled together.

Tears are flowing down their cheeks.
They are hapless, terrified.

A knife goes up.
A bamboo pole is held.

The children stares in silent horror.
Blood splurts, a cry goes up.

The children cries out in silence.
Tears flow, huddling together.

A TV screen is cracked and broken.
A rice cooker goes out of the window.


On a table, sits a piece of homework.
On another, stands a pencil holder.

Both was crashed down in fury.

Fury and Hate rushes through the parent's mind.
Horror and Pain takes control of the children.

This is the meaning of a family.
This is but afterall, just a family activity.

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