My mind feels like exploding, the stress is just too much on my mind. My mind feels like it has been blended in a blender and is all messed up. Filled with thoughts and stress..argh.
My mid-years are coming.Yet, I dun understand everything that the teachers are teaching, the teachers are like on chapter 7 and I'm still struggling with like chapter 3 or 4? The teacher's are just going too fast and I can't catch up. At home, my mind will be torn apart by my "holy" and "evil" side. The Holy side are telling me not to use my com and instead mug for my upcoming exams and there is still time for me to catch up to the lessons. However, when I open up my books,all the alien equations and formula will show itself to me and I cannot find any questions that I know how to do. Then the "evil" side of me will go, You don't know how to do one lah, instead of sighing here, y dun u go online and surf net and such, it will make you feel better. And I have to struggle with both sides of me, while not being able to tell my troubles to anyone and trying to slove it by myself, being my passive self. My life is being torn apart and my "holy" and "evil" side of me are having a war, taking my mind as their battlefield.
My social aspect is in a big mess too. Friends are ignoring me, hurtfully insulting me. I want to tell my troubles, spill them all out, but my life is in a mess now, there don't seem to be anyone relieable for me to tell my troubles to.My social aspect is screwed, friends are leaving one-by-one, and my mind is in a mess, It seems like the light of my life has disappeared. My mind seems to be engulfed by darkness and sadness, with no one being there to support me.
Now, with my mind being a big mess, the hidden urge for me to play an instrument came out and had to bug me like crazy. Whenever I am listening to music, I will just imagine myself being able to play an instrument, I seem to be going crazy, seeing this "image" whenever listening to music.
All these aspects of life is ripping my life apart, and I walk around like a zombie, feeling like ten dementors are around me, sucking up all the happiness that is left in me. I want to cry, but no tears come out.I want to tell a friend my troubles, but no one is there to listen. I want to scream it out, but there is no right venues.My mind wants to explode, but it can't. I am really depressed now, cutting my wrists sound really anticipating, feel like trying it out. I'm not a human anymore, I am not myself anymore.Where is my guardian angel when I need one? Is there anyone out there that can save me?
