This sucks.

After all that has happened, I guess I've only got 2 small but powerful phrases to give to you.

"Respect is to be earned, not forced."

"Forced respect is called tyranny."

Animal Farm by George Orwell pretty much sums up all that has happened in these 4 lousy years.

About how there was a power struggle, chaos.
And how there was a blaming power. And those that looked on got hurt.
About how superficial this whole thing is.

I've never got angry before.
I've never got insulted before.
And I guess I'll never be.
My heart is too innocent and pure to get polluted by these emotionally-corrupted humans.
It's like having a mad guy hurling vulgarities at you from across the street. Surely, nobody will get insulted by that.

Anyway, I didn't say what this is all about.
So don't jump to conclusions.
Assholes.

The best song to suit all this is probably "Shut up" by simple plan.
I'll put the lyrics down below:
and the rest of us who got hurt can come and relate to this.


There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you

You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time
To criticize me

It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right

It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do

You think you're special
But I know, and I know
And I know, and we know
That you're not

You're always there to point
Out my mistakes
And shove them in my face

It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Is gonna bring me down

Will never bring me down

Don't tell me who I should be
And don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do
I don't wanna waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Won't bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Won't bring me down

Shut up, shut up, shut up

This sucks.

okay.

soooo... today sucked.

Woke up realizing that both my parents were not home.
mom was off to johor.
dad was off to work.
my bro was gaming.
I slacked around the house.
Tried to study chinese but nothing went in.

Then at 5pm, i fell asleep.
Had a really freaky dream.
I have a strong feeling that this dream is trying to tell me something.
Cause the emotions in that dream was extremely strong.
and the worst thing was, it felt so real.

the dream went like this:
I was in my room as usual.
i think my bro did something, i think he accused me of something i didn't do.
then i suddenly went crazy.
i just felt that i wanted to whack the hell out of him.
Then i became mad at everything that's happening to me.
I was crying and sobbing.
My face was red.
and i literally felt the world crashing around me.
I just kept hitting the wall using my hands.
and kicking the door with my legs.
I cried so much that my throat felt it would burst.
But I still cried.
Outside, i think my mom was quarrelling wif my dad.
my bro was gaming.
and i was inside going crazy.
I was mad at the world.
I hated the bullying in school.
I hated my academic failure.
I hated the way some people just seem to like to destroy lives of others.
I hated the way people's mood swings just seem to destroy the mood of others around them, without them realizing it.
I hated how I always seem to offend other people even though I'm just trying to talk to them.
I hated myself.
I wanted to punch it.
But I could not see it.
I could not see the hate.
I could only feel it inside me.
So, I punched the wall.
I wanted to get the hate out of me.
To just revert everything to normal.
To get peace of mind.
But inside of me was chaos.
And it stayed inside.
I cried out again.
But there was no sound left.
My throat was on fire.

And then i woke up.

My throat didn't feel sore.
thus i realized it was only a dream.
but it was really freaky.
and it felt so damn real.
And it pretty much revealed everything that i was bothered about.
and most of them were selfish reasons.

anyway , didn't went to think much about it.
Although I found out that I was definitely not at peace of mind.
and my mom was grumbling about how my dad is staying out so late and not celebrating mother's day with her.
I think they're gonna quarrel again.
My dad came back all grumpy, took out his beer, and started drinking.
that asshole.
I think they're gonna quarrel anytime now.
My life just sucks.

Can anyone save me out of this mess?
Can anyone bring me to a faraway place to lead a peaceful live and never come back?

And I'm listening to "Love Today" By Mika.
How paradoxically ironical.