omggggg. I just realized I must have been damn embarrassing tonight. especially on the bus.
gah, the coffee thingy was really strong but very short-lasting. I think I freaked peiwen out when i started to get high >< hmm, then started singing on the bus. haha luckily not everyone saw me doing that.
ahhhh, tomorrow got ogf training, sians sians and sians. being an ogf is starting to get boring.
maybe i'll blog again later. seeya!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Valentine Breakup
haha. i just think the above title looks cool.
anywayyy, first time celebrating valentine's in a mixed school. pretttty unusual, i must say. ><
haha with the highly energetic atmosphere, i went for a mocha in the afternoon. still feeling highh. hahahaha.
don't know what to type le.
haha i know, i shall post up another of my highly ego-stic poem.
but i really gotta say i'm deeply in love with this poem, it must have been one of my best works.
====================================================================================================
In My Heart
By:Yeo WenBin
Your everlasting smile,
brought me up when i fell.
That peck on my cheek,
tingled till now, my lips.
Just a look at your eyes,
sweeps away all the deceitful lies.
The innocent laugh of yours,
opened up my happiness door.
Cupid's arrows never hit my heart,
till I met you with the help of luck.
My world was in darkness,
but you came and shone it into brightness.
No words can describe this feeling,
this mixed feeling that demands healing.
It's Love,
and yet it's not sweet enough.
It's Sorrow,
but yet it's not sad enough.
It's Yearning,
but yet it's not real enough.
It's Treasuring,
but yet it's much too late.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
but yet how much longer?
The very existence of you lit up my world of darkness,
and rescued me from the concrete floor of coldness.
Yet, all this is slowly fading away,
please come back and show me the way.
Out of this misery you put me in,
this hope we both had is growing dim.
All the memories of you are not in the dark,
for they are safely locked,
In my heart.
=============================================================================================
haha i go sleep or surf net or something first. maybe i blog again later.
anywayyy, first time celebrating valentine's in a mixed school. pretttty unusual, i must say. ><
haha with the highly energetic atmosphere, i went for a mocha in the afternoon. still feeling highh. hahahaha.
don't know what to type le.
haha i know, i shall post up another of my highly ego-stic poem.
but i really gotta say i'm deeply in love with this poem, it must have been one of my best works.
====================================================================================================
In My Heart
By:Yeo WenBin
Your everlasting smile,
brought me up when i fell.
That peck on my cheek,
tingled till now, my lips.
Just a look at your eyes,
sweeps away all the deceitful lies.
The innocent laugh of yours,
opened up my happiness door.
Cupid's arrows never hit my heart,
till I met you with the help of luck.
My world was in darkness,
but you came and shone it into brightness.
No words can describe this feeling,
this mixed feeling that demands healing.
It's Love,
and yet it's not sweet enough.
It's Sorrow,
but yet it's not sad enough.
It's Yearning,
but yet it's not real enough.
It's Treasuring,
but yet it's much too late.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
but yet how much longer?
The very existence of you lit up my world of darkness,
and rescued me from the concrete floor of coldness.
Yet, all this is slowly fading away,
please come back and show me the way.
Out of this misery you put me in,
this hope we both had is growing dim.
All the memories of you are not in the dark,
for they are safely locked,
In my heart.
=============================================================================================
haha i go sleep or surf net or something first. maybe i blog again later.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
When all your stomach has is a can of mocha
hahahahaha didn't eat anything today.
went for a can of mocha in the afternoon.
not gonna eat for dinner. see how long i can last.
and guess my stomach went all medieval on that mocha.
cause i was feeling wayyy high.
haha i even greeted the maths teacher! =D
went for the Chinese project thingy in the afternoon.
damnn funny la, cause i was like a bit sick then high also.
so came out a weird combination of lame stuff.
feel so bad la, never talk to richen alot during the project, like pangseh him liddat.
i know how he feels lor. hey, i was that emo for the past few weeks also wad.
then went to meet shaun. i wasn't tempted by the mac food okaes!
haha went to see clinton.
played cards at his house, just came back.
O.M.G.
i just realized from shaun and clinton that tomorrow is valentine's day.
i knew it was coming, but i didn't know it's like this close.
aiiya, just hope tomorrow to be over as fast as possible.
i dunno la, just that tomorrow feels damn weird.
haha i'm just gonna treat it like friendship day.
friendship day! =D
hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha the mocha is still controlling me.
went for a can of mocha in the afternoon.
not gonna eat for dinner. see how long i can last.
and guess my stomach went all medieval on that mocha.
cause i was feeling wayyy high.
haha i even greeted the maths teacher! =D
went for the Chinese project thingy in the afternoon.
damnn funny la, cause i was like a bit sick then high also.
so came out a weird combination of lame stuff.
feel so bad la, never talk to richen alot during the project, like pangseh him liddat.
i know how he feels lor. hey, i was that emo for the past few weeks also wad.
then went to meet shaun. i wasn't tempted by the mac food okaes!
haha went to see clinton.
played cards at his house, just came back.
O.M.G.
i just realized from shaun and clinton that tomorrow is valentine's day.
i knew it was coming, but i didn't know it's like this close.
aiiya, just hope tomorrow to be over as fast as possible.
i dunno la, just that tomorrow feels damn weird.
haha i'm just gonna treat it like friendship day.
friendship day! =D
hahahahahahahahahahahahaaha the mocha is still controlling me.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
When everything ain't so bad after-all
promised myself to be as happy as i can be this morning for a few reasons.
So woke up in the morning.
Walked to school while blasting all the damn high songs like mambo no.5 and happy bday by click five. Mix in a thick can of mocha in the canteen. wondrous results.
Sure, things around me are still bad. But now i do see stuff in a different light.
I see the goodness in people behind their bad. I see the joy of the environment I'm in.
Might be cause of a really nice chat with a really really good friend yesterday night, but i've got to say today was really nice compared to the previous weeks.
All the minor stuff that normally makes me emo now doesn't. And i actually wanted to curb my horoscope by being happy. thought i did it, but i guess i didn't.
For easy reference: this is today's horoscope.
You should take the loudest voice in the room seriously, today. This brash, crass person will tell you something no one else has the guts to say. The rest of the gang is busy shutting things out in order to keep pretending reality is exactly what they want it to be. You might want to dislike the obnoxious personalities who are in your life right now, but not all of them deserve your negative feelings: This particular loudmouth could prove to be a real lifesaver. Overall, though, you should watch out for indulging yourself too much.
It still came true. But guess what? I guess i forgot the last part of the horoscope. 'but not all of them deserve your negative feelings.' And it sure is true. I now see the good side. And also, I now see what the rest are see-ing me as.
And guess what? they're right. It slipped my mind, but i guess i really should take this into consideration.
You know, actually I wanted to comment that Life's unfair by just giving us one shot at things, but now I guess I've been viewing it at a way wrong angle.
Life's just like an arcade. A big, giant arcade. One where you can find all the most interesting games. Some games like "Exams" have been played so many times, but still few can get to the end, while some are lucky enough to find it's cheat code.I guess in my arcade, A new game has just been delivered. I don't have to state it's name. But it's been sent to a whole new area unexplored by me. I went to try it. Level 1 was really really exciting, it's unseen before graphics encouraged me to level 2. It started to get harder, and at level 4, the game goes FFA(Free For All) without me knowing it. My co-op partners now were against me.It shocked me, and i died many a times. I was starting to get desperate to pass the level. The more credits I dumped in, the more I lost hope. Then just when I was about to give up, i tilted my head to the side. Suddenly, the whole screen had a different view. There were no cheat codes, neither was it any easier. But now I saw the places where I could hide. Now I saw the places where I could win the level.However, it was still too difficult. Now, all my credits for this game is over. I am left with 3 lives. the first life was robbed off me as I explored the new area without any clue what was going on and got killed instantly. I am now playing my second life. I can get the gist, but I am still not sure of the controls.
Pretty good analogy eh? hmmm.
Anyway, guess I'm off to surf around.
haha.
So woke up in the morning.
Walked to school while blasting all the damn high songs like mambo no.5 and happy bday by click five. Mix in a thick can of mocha in the canteen. wondrous results.
Sure, things around me are still bad. But now i do see stuff in a different light.
I see the goodness in people behind their bad. I see the joy of the environment I'm in.
Might be cause of a really nice chat with a really really good friend yesterday night, but i've got to say today was really nice compared to the previous weeks.
All the minor stuff that normally makes me emo now doesn't. And i actually wanted to curb my horoscope by being happy. thought i did it, but i guess i didn't.
For easy reference: this is today's horoscope.
You should take the loudest voice in the room seriously, today. This brash, crass person will tell you something no one else has the guts to say. The rest of the gang is busy shutting things out in order to keep pretending reality is exactly what they want it to be. You might want to dislike the obnoxious personalities who are in your life right now, but not all of them deserve your negative feelings: This particular loudmouth could prove to be a real lifesaver. Overall, though, you should watch out for indulging yourself too much.
It still came true. But guess what? I guess i forgot the last part of the horoscope. 'but not all of them deserve your negative feelings.' And it sure is true. I now see the good side. And also, I now see what the rest are see-ing me as.
And guess what? they're right. It slipped my mind, but i guess i really should take this into consideration.
You know, actually I wanted to comment that Life's unfair by just giving us one shot at things, but now I guess I've been viewing it at a way wrong angle.
Life's just like an arcade. A big, giant arcade. One where you can find all the most interesting games. Some games like "Exams" have been played so many times, but still few can get to the end, while some are lucky enough to find it's cheat code.I guess in my arcade, A new game has just been delivered. I don't have to state it's name. But it's been sent to a whole new area unexplored by me. I went to try it. Level 1 was really really exciting, it's unseen before graphics encouraged me to level 2. It started to get harder, and at level 4, the game goes FFA(Free For All) without me knowing it. My co-op partners now were against me.It shocked me, and i died many a times. I was starting to get desperate to pass the level. The more credits I dumped in, the more I lost hope. Then just when I was about to give up, i tilted my head to the side. Suddenly, the whole screen had a different view. There were no cheat codes, neither was it any easier. But now I saw the places where I could hide. Now I saw the places where I could win the level.However, it was still too difficult. Now, all my credits for this game is over. I am left with 3 lives. the first life was robbed off me as I explored the new area without any clue what was going on and got killed instantly. I am now playing my second life. I can get the gist, but I am still not sure of the controls.
Pretty good analogy eh? hmmm.
Anyway, guess I'm off to surf around.
haha.
Monday, February 11, 2008
This empty feeling.
I'm still emo.
Clinton fell sick and took a pretty long mc. So I get to walk to school and back everyday by myself. Very depressing. Keep thinking of all the stuff that has happened to me and almost teared when i reached home.
Anyway, I am practically dangling in the middle now. I know I should have acted the way I am right at the beginning instead of trying to be someone I'm not. Now I can't just let go, neither can I hang on much longer.
I don't know what's true and what's not any longer. I will try to hang on, but I will not make it.I will try to last, but it will not be long.For I have seen my faults now. and the consequences are too deep to be prevented.I have seen the workings of this new environment much too late.
And now I am stuck. To be neither here nor there. To be stuck between truth and lies. This horrible feeling is creating a desolate space deep in me.
I will struggle to the last. Everyone is against me, but I will fight to the last drop of mental blood left in me. I will hang in there as long as I can. It will be impossible to last the tide, but I will try.
I will try.
EDIT:
You know, this sucks.
Decided to sleep and thought I'll be at least feeling happier after waking up.
so i kinda slept.
and went to check my horoscope when i woke up.
ahhhhhhhhh.
I'm starting to hate horoscopes.
Here's why(tomorrow's horoscope):
You should take the loudest voice in the room seriously, today. This brash, crass person will tell you something no one else has the guts to say. The rest of the gang is busy shutting things out in order to keep pretending reality is exactly what they want it to be. You might want to dislike the obnoxious personalities who are in your life right now, but not all of them deserve your negative feelings: This particular loudmouth could prove to be a real lifesaver. Overall, though, you should watch out for indulging yourself too much.
I'm mean, what?!?!. oh, argh. and from past experiences in horoscoping, the bad things in these predictions ALWAYS come true, while the good thing, is just an equivocation by them. OMG. Tomorrow is really gonna be a horrible day isn't it. In fact I already have a slight hunch which idiotic guy will be the one bringing me down tomorrow.And also, why the hell should i watch out for indulging myself too much when tomorrow's gonna be so horrible!? Indulge in sadness or something, must be. stupid horoscopes.and still there's the 'no one else has the guts to say.' so whatever this guy's telling me tomorrow actually speaks for the rest of the group. Like I am not feeling depressed enough already. You know what? Life just sucks. Even the stars hate me.
Clinton fell sick and took a pretty long mc. So I get to walk to school and back everyday by myself. Very depressing. Keep thinking of all the stuff that has happened to me and almost teared when i reached home.
Anyway, I am practically dangling in the middle now. I know I should have acted the way I am right at the beginning instead of trying to be someone I'm not. Now I can't just let go, neither can I hang on much longer.
I don't know what's true and what's not any longer. I will try to hang on, but I will not make it.I will try to last, but it will not be long.For I have seen my faults now. and the consequences are too deep to be prevented.I have seen the workings of this new environment much too late.
And now I am stuck. To be neither here nor there. To be stuck between truth and lies. This horrible feeling is creating a desolate space deep in me.
I will struggle to the last. Everyone is against me, but I will fight to the last drop of mental blood left in me. I will hang in there as long as I can. It will be impossible to last the tide, but I will try.
I will try.
EDIT:
You know, this sucks.
Decided to sleep and thought I'll be at least feeling happier after waking up.
so i kinda slept.
and went to check my horoscope when i woke up.
ahhhhhhhhh.
I'm starting to hate horoscopes.
Here's why(tomorrow's horoscope):
You should take the loudest voice in the room seriously, today. This brash, crass person will tell you something no one else has the guts to say. The rest of the gang is busy shutting things out in order to keep pretending reality is exactly what they want it to be. You might want to dislike the obnoxious personalities who are in your life right now, but not all of them deserve your negative feelings: This particular loudmouth could prove to be a real lifesaver. Overall, though, you should watch out for indulging yourself too much.
I'm mean, what?!?!. oh, argh. and from past experiences in horoscoping, the bad things in these predictions ALWAYS come true, while the good thing, is just an equivocation by them. OMG. Tomorrow is really gonna be a horrible day isn't it. In fact I already have a slight hunch which idiotic guy will be the one bringing me down tomorrow.And also, why the hell should i watch out for indulging myself too much when tomorrow's gonna be so horrible!? Indulge in sadness or something, must be. stupid horoscopes.and still there's the 'no one else has the guts to say.' so whatever this guy's telling me tomorrow actually speaks for the rest of the group. Like I am not feeling depressed enough already. You know what? Life just sucks. Even the stars hate me.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
When your heart feels so heavy you don't know what's sinking it anymore
yea. feeling really really down now.
don't know why also.
I guess it's partially the problem outside, as well as my still ongoing ones inside.
I've been struggling mentally and socially for these past few weeks.
Everytime i think i have control or that i've found a solution, some unexpected event comes right up and proves me wrong.
I really can't take this any longer.
I don't know what the hell you want with me.
But you win.
So hurry up and tell me what the hell you want me to do.
Tell me before I run to death.
Tell me before I crumble.
Tell me.
What do you hope to achieve by waking me up with the sounds of my shouting parents fighting outside the door?
What do you hope to achieve by plunging me in such a hostile environment with no safe shelters?
What do you hope to achieve by making me fail all my test even though I studied for them?
What do you hope to achieve by defeating me, then tricking me with false hopes?
What do you hope to achieve by screwing up my mental mind?
Congratulations.
You've successfully made me so much in fear through my parents' fighting that I'm not gonna marry for the rest of my life.
You've successfully brought me down so low that I don't think I'll ever get to feel happy without a worry again.
You've successfully made me feel so lonely and alone in this world, I'm never gonna feel the warmth of pure friendship again.
You've successfully made me the victim of all the bad ways of the world, I'm never going enjoy fun without a care in the world again.
Know what? I surrender.
Just do and take what you want from me. now.
I've got no will to carry on any longer.
My exterior has been utterly destroyed by you.
And now my interior is getting corrupted by your toxins.
I give up.
don't know why also.
I guess it's partially the problem outside, as well as my still ongoing ones inside.
I've been struggling mentally and socially for these past few weeks.
Everytime i think i have control or that i've found a solution, some unexpected event comes right up and proves me wrong.
I really can't take this any longer.
I don't know what the hell you want with me.
But you win.
So hurry up and tell me what the hell you want me to do.
Tell me before I run to death.
Tell me before I crumble.
Tell me.
What do you hope to achieve by waking me up with the sounds of my shouting parents fighting outside the door?
What do you hope to achieve by plunging me in such a hostile environment with no safe shelters?
What do you hope to achieve by making me fail all my test even though I studied for them?
What do you hope to achieve by defeating me, then tricking me with false hopes?
What do you hope to achieve by screwing up my mental mind?
Congratulations.
You've successfully made me so much in fear through my parents' fighting that I'm not gonna marry for the rest of my life.
You've successfully brought me down so low that I don't think I'll ever get to feel happy without a worry again.
You've successfully made me feel so lonely and alone in this world, I'm never gonna feel the warmth of pure friendship again.
You've successfully made me the victim of all the bad ways of the world, I'm never going enjoy fun without a care in the world again.
Know what? I surrender.
Just do and take what you want from me. now.
I've got no will to carry on any longer.
My exterior has been utterly destroyed by you.
And now my interior is getting corrupted by your toxins.
I give up.
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