Stained.

hmm, things may have been looking up, but they're not always perfect.

For one, even though my parents have stopped with their fighting and stuff.
they're still mad at each other and won't talk .
My dad just comes home and drink and drink and sleep.
My mum keeps saying she doesn't want to live and stuff.
my mum even asked me who i would follow if they divorced.
saying that it might just come to that.

And the worst thing is,
I don't think she's just joking or anything.
By the way things have been this year,
it really looks like a straight dash towards that divorce letter.

So, I was wondering if they had a divorce, would it be possible for me to live in a orphanage or something. Cause I don't respect them as parents anymore. It's like parents is just a name to me now.no more love.no more respect.
And following either one of them would greatly add a lot of burden and pain into my already worse life.

sigh.

So overall, things are still taking a turn for the better.
but it's not perfect.

When things aren't so bad after all.

"There's no everlasting war, nor is there never-ending storm."

hmm. all the horror seems to be coming to an end at last.sigh.
I'm really tired out after all this le.

hopefully things will take a turn for the better.

changed my blogskin.
got a yellow-ish and brighter one.
if not like always very moody de.

took me a lot of extensive editting.
still got quite a lot of bugs.
like how the blog post is so low down.

=.=''
ok.
so I'm feeling better now.
but how long will it last?

When You jump.

I can't take this anymore.

My parents are fighting again.
My dad just went out of the house.
My mum is in her room, dunno doing what.(probably crying or something)
My idiotic brother keeps being damn rude to both of them.
Like they don't have enough stress already.

My dad is a pissing asshole who gets angry over a small matter.
My mum is so stressed out over my dad, financial problems and my brother that she keeps telling me life is useless. i tink she's having sucidial tendencies.
And me, I studied alkane and alkene, heard my parents fighting outside, wanted to continue but couldn't take it le. so came online.
Blasting rock music in my ears.

I really want to just leave the damn house. and stay out.

brings me to another point.
Friendship.

one of my best friends is mad at me.
another one betrayed me in one of the worst possible way.
one more dislike me.a lot.but doesn't want to show.
two more are still ok with me.
but how long will it last?
How long?

My family are full of problems that make me want to leave.
and my social life is screwed up so badly i just want it all to stop.

I really wonder, what the hell did i do to deserve all this.
I don't habour evil thoughts in my mind, I don't use underhand means to get something. I try to see the good in everyone. I try as far as possible not to discriminate.

Mt studies are screwing up. I can't find the mood to study. Whenever i calm down, I'll think of my friends, my family and feel like crying.
I don't even deserve all this stuff.

Just what did i do to deserve all this? Everywhere around me, my whole life is crashing.

Life couldn't have dealt me a worse blow.
especially when it's during my O's.

sigh.
why must life do this?
What have I done wrong?

I feel like ending it all.
maybe my next life would be better.

When The world crashes down on you.

Well, it just gets worse and worse.

When something goes wrong, we feel bad, but it's ok.
When everything goes wrong, we feel terrible, but we still live on.
When everything goes wrong, and we don't know why everything is going wrong, we go crazy.

Well, i guess it's happening to me now.
When things just screws up suddenly right in your face.
and you don't know how to react.

When social relationships pummels down-hill, and you don't know why.
When Life laughs in your face and screws up your red carpet of life.

But, at least, we learn.
we learn from these troubles.
The harder we fall,
the more we learn.

I guess what i've learnt from these relationship breakdowns is very important.
Something that people have been trying to tell me since a long time ago.
and yet i didn't believe them.

That's trust.

At first I thought, trust comes naturally.
When you trust someone,
they will definitely trust you back.
Even by worse situations,
they will put their trust in you if you put yours in theirs.

Well, after this major crash of my social life, i guess that above theory is wrong.
Even when we out our trust in someone,
they might not trust you back.
When we believe in someone,
they will just back-stab you and leave you to die.
When we talk to someone,
they are thinking how to destroy you.

When things go wrong, we learn.
But does this knowledge improve our current situation?

the worst thing is of this is,
the betrayal came not from someone which i expected to.
and rather came from someone whom i've built trust on.

Well, life is now playing a cruel trick on me again.
TO test whether i've learnt my lesson.
And the test is for me,
to either leave and abandon the building which i've built using trust as one of the main pillars and haboured most of my friendships.

Or,
to stand in the building, let it crash, and build it up again.

I don't know which one to choose.
Which is the correct option.
I've learnt my lesson, but how do i get by this obstacle?

I guess, I'm not that innocent after all.
I learn, and adapt.
adapt to the cruel and unfeeling society.
to the society that will kill you and leave you to die in the streets.
to the society that will kill you without telling you why.
to the society that back-stabs you while joking with you.

I'm not that innocent after all.
I have to learn to adapt.
I have to lose my trusting self.
I have to.
or I'll fall down and into Death's arms.