the part where we run away.

escape into another place,
filled with instant rewards,
appreciation.

and i can't get out.

(i don't think i want to.)

i'll probably stay here forever.

Perspective's a bitch, huh.

it's one thing to read about people dying in the news.
it's another to feel it up close,
when it happens to someone you know.

close or not.

saw facebook posts about another death,
dismissed it as another unfortunate incident.

until the words 3sg hong dickson popped up in the article.

didn't believe it,
wouldn't believe it.

until they mentioned military intelligence.

my buddy. dammit.

at least he escaped the worst.

for his friend,rest.in.peace.

it's finally happened to our batch.

But maybe this is the wake-up call we need,
not about safety.

but about the dangers of war.

about being a soldier,
fighting for what we believe in,
for our friends, our families.

it's one thing to keep saying it,
it's another to live it.

and this is the wake-up call we need,
that the shit we are doing,

just got real.

That's just the way it goes.

another day.

maybe someday i'll look back at this and laugh nervously,
like how i look back at my old posts and do the same.

but that day's not today.

foreboding, dread.
yet i refuse to let myself down,
refuse to let it all go,
to just...give up.

i think this is going to kill me one day.
in fact i think it's going to kill me really soon.

again, not today.

i no longer know what it is.

someone to talk to?

maybe it's time i let go.

just.. not today.