planned to do a really emo and self-degrading post, but my dad forced me to go out and buy printer and groceries stuff, so I just reached home.
Did some thinking on the way to woodlands, and kinda came to realization.
I now realize what's been wrong all along.
What I've been yearning for was all along an illusion.
An imaginary hope created by the heat-oppressed brain.
Another trick set by Fate.
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Bonnie Yew had been living in a closet all his life. The closet had been his home and all that he knew of. He did not bother and knew about the world outside. Living in his cosy little corner of the closet was his idea of a future. Where no one outside could touch him.
He once was just like everyone else. Living outside the closet. In the world wide beyond. However, he was once shut in this closet for a prank and they could not get him out. He was since presumed dead.
Bonnie found food and internet and all sorts of entertainment in that magical closet.
And so, He lived there, eating fast food and playing computer games or watching tv whenever he felt bored.
His friends found a backdoor into the closet one day. And from then on, they would visit regularly.However, they were all boys, just like him. Sitting around every night, he would sit around and listen to their wondrous tales of the world outside, where the girls interacted with the boys, and life was more fun than he could ever imagine.
And just like that, 6 long years passed. He had grown fat from all the fast food, and his language consisted of only computer games and cartoon shows. His friends all grew up and had disappeared one by one. And soon, he was left all alone in the closet once again.
One sunny day, he decided to pluck out his bravery and peer out of the closet door. What he saw took his breath away. Within the 6 years he was away and lost in contact with the outside world, the girls had changed so much. They were no longer the girls where he used to play with and didn't bother anything in the world. Rather, they wore skimpy clothes and acted like they were boss. Just like what his friends had told him, the girls now interacted with the boys freely.
With his heart thumping deep in his heart, he cautiously opened the door. Everyone stared at him. He had lost all sense of fashion or language skills in the 6 years he was away. He could still talk to boys who communicated computer games and cartoon shows, as he chatted regularly with his friends. A girl came up to him and giggled.
He tried to speak, but no words would come out. He tried to look at her, but his eyes kept focusing on his own shoes. He tried to balance, but yet his world suddenly felt shaky. He tried to think, but his brain was all blank.
As he walked around, he could see out of the corner of his eyes the girls shunting him. He had grown ugly and uncommunicative in his 6 years.Although they tried to show him that they didn't treat him differently, he could see. He could see how he seemed to be losing out.
He tried once again to open his mouth when another girl walked passed him. A soft "hello" came out. The girl turned and greeted him back, then skipped off to chat with another boy.
He wanted to cry.
He wanted to know why the world has changed so much.
He wanted to know what he was doing wrong.
He wanted to know why Life was treating him this way.
He wanted to know the answers.
And so, with a heavy heart, he crept back to his closet.
He peered outside one last time.
Looked at the changing world.
Looked at himself.
He sighed, and closed the door.
Hoping that when he next opens it, the world will be a better place.
Maybe a place where he could find himself comfortable with.
A world where he would be accepted.
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