So here it goes again.

so. one more year. 2011.
To be honest,
I'm awfully glad this year is over.


The transition to army.
Has been kinda overwhelming, 
to say the least.

The punishments,
the screaming,
the torture,
the jungles.
(oh man, the jungles.)


And the people.
I've missed way too many people,
until I figured,
I could probably cling on,
if I kept keeping in contact.
every
single
second.

Every message from the outside world,
felt like a bottle rolling up the waves
onto the beach...just for me.

To sum it up,
I'm among masses of people
every second.
But I've never felt more lonely.


So here's to 2012.
To accepting where I am.
Not changing into who I am not,
just because of where I am.
And when the time comes,
for the world to be liberated.
That I am right there.

And all my regrets will be no more.


 

Dammit, man. Just do it already.

I know I want to write something.
But I have no idea why,
or what, for that matter.

End of the year always gets more and more depressing.
Feel as though I am rotting my life away.

Although come to think of it,
there IS something wrong.
Contentment?


Something I can never get.
It always has to be something better,
something bigger,
something out of this world.


And once it is out of this world?
into other worlds.


Try as I might,
I can never sit down,
look at what I have accomplished,
and go 'That's enough, good job!'

I either continue working at it,
or i just give up.

and sad to say,
i usually just do the latter.

Yeap. that must be it.
Or it could be the crazy depressive streak talking.
Either way makes sense, I guess.

Oh great, my internet just died out.
Way to make my night that much better.
Now I need to wait for it to come back online.

SIGH. 

To: Santa

Dear Santa,
     Once again, thank you for all the presents. You have no idea how much joy you have gave the world. The hopes of children, the joy of snow and probably the parent's wallet who are smiling at the weighing scale. I can only imagine the hard work you have to go through to deliver them to every nice children in the world, be it snow, sun or rain. I reckon you should probably sign on for Special Forces. They sure could use someone like you. Who would ever want to shoot anyone in a big red suit bearing presents? And for you, you can finally get deleting with some of the people on your 'naughty' list. Less names, less work, eh?
     I spent my year enlisted in the Army. After learning how to kill human beings for a whole year, I have a feeling my name is never gonna appearing on the 'nice' list. Heck, I think I could probably sign on for the 'Naughty' permanent membership card. I'm okay with not receiving any presents, it's not like asians believe too much in giving presents anyway. Or giving away anything, for that matter.
    But for such a nice man giving away toys every year, Do you receive presents on Christmas? Children all over the world are picking up their pens and writing letters to you about what they want, but who has ever written to you asking you what YOU want for Christmas? It must be sad up there during Christmas, where everyone is busy working. While teenagers, lovebirds and married couples are snuggling by the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows, looking out at the snow and deep into each other's eyes, talking about everything and nothing at all, you are in the rain, the snow and the moonlight trying to get your reindeer to move.
    Who knows? Maybe the big corporations like Tommy, Lego and Apple give you commission every Christmas. That would explain why your toys always seem to hold your sponser's name. It would hold a highly doubtful financial enterprise, but one that works, nonetheless.
    No matter the questions, I just hope this letter reaches you on time. I have seen on TV that FedEx has a highly sophisticated delivery system where they use tactical helicopters, hi-tech vans that can detect amount of vehicles on the route they are planning to take and probably teleportation devices too. So I am going to use FedEx to get this letter over to the North Pole. Where it will be crammed with hundreds of glitter-filled 'Hi Santa!' asking for barbie dolls and IPads.
    Merry Christmas, Santa.

Yours Sincerely,
WenBin (No, not the one in China.)

I've been high, I've been low

and now I'm just hungry.


Last day of army for the year!
looking forward to the week ahead.


Plans, plans and plans.


got my way into survey!
So I'll be doing more geography fieldwork.
for the next 2 years.


at least I'm learning lots more new thing,
and a jungle hat.
We should not forget about the jungle hat.
NO.MORE.HELMET.


as for today, 
I'll just probably lull.


I think there are so many things,
I could have done so much better.


But the important thing, i guess,
is I did it anyway.


A rainy afternoon.
Would someone save me?

Maybe snow ain't that good after-all.

Mood swings.

Back for a few hours, before heading on back into camp.

Is it just me?
Or does everything seem so meaningless?
it all ends up revolving around something, or someone.

So many things in the world,
that can make us happy,
that can make us sad,
but often.
It just boils down to that.

Feelings are too easily altered,
which of course,
make them too easily manipulated.

Perhaps that is why there is always something more,
that everyone is looking for out of life.
that little bit of something outside the box,
that no one ever thinks of.
Maybe, it is just...contentment.

Not looking for what is outside the box,
IS the thing that lies outside the box.

Or maybe
I am just depressed,
and dammit.

Must be the rain.
Or the snow.

Oh how i wish there was snow.

Shake it up, shake up the happiness

Went to the MPH book fair with yanjie yesterday!
Thought it would be crowded.
But it was kinda empty,
despite the crazy amounts of people loitering at expo.

But the air-con inside was set at sub-zero.
Maybe it's their way of preserving books?
Set in ice.
and to prevent crowds, of course.


Managed to get get some books I've been eyeing for quite some time!
Could find some books, couldn't find some.
But I guess I'll be making a trip down to kino soon, anyways.

Went back home on the MRT,
took the wrong line, 
so ended up travelling from tanah merah to changi airport.... 4 times.
only reached home around 11.
at least it didn't break down halfway.
heh. 


With my gameboy and all,
I'm really gonna need the discipline if i'm going to finish the books.
hah.

It's 1:37am but I don't care.

Came back from the graduation parade.
After all the sweat, the blood, the tears.
Finally, a promotion.

Had to fight for it too.
But i guess that makes the rank all the more meaningful.
Everyone has gone off to sleep.
Looks like I'm the only lonely soul out here tonight.


Listening to Christmas songs in the dark.
When will Christmas come.
Please come soon.


I love the world.

Cause lately, they' re not making any sense

A rainy sunday.
Why am I no longer surprised.

Nice day to stay indoors, though.
Enjoy the cold weather,
on the internet.
where the forecast is always determined
by the brightness of your monitor.

Went for CAT term.
Saw lots of old friends!
talked.
talked.

Slight sense of pride, i think.

I really want to backpack the world.
but for today,
I'll just lie on my bed.
and look out the window.


(Does money matter?)


I think.
I have got alot of things to think about.


Now is probably a good time to start doing it.


(Reputation is everything.)

i know you'll get me right.

Life is slowing down.
as much as I am happy about it,
my body seems to be slowing down as well,
for some reason.

I sleep excessive hours,
yet feel tired and spent the moment i wake up.
stay at home the whole day,
yet feel as though i walked the 28km route march.

Bones aching,
sleepy eyes,
something's wrong.


I think there is something....lacking.
not too sure what.
Just this very very naggy feeling
at the back of my brain.
(I think it's humour)


Going through day after day,
(but then again, humour?)
just trudging through.
(I think so, humour.)

dull,
emotionless.

Whatever happened to the joy,
the happiness,
the laughter.
the giggles,
the hugs.
i need them back.
(where do i find humour?)


someone,
anyone.
please.

I feel like dancin' tonight

Its over!
2 more weeks to 3SG.

Looking forward to it...kinda.
its gonna be stressful though.

ah wells.

There must be something fun to do around here.
Really.

Oh a brighter note,
got some new shows to watch! =DD
that's a good thing, i guess. heh.

Singapore is really getting really REALLY boring.
no wonder everyone chooses to settle down.

We'll do it again, my friend.

So, exercise was hell.
But at least it is over.
And I'm here, victorious.
or at least....not dead.
That's a good thing...right?


Went out for an awesome buffet celebration with the army people.
tried our best to bankrupt nihon mura.
Then went to play LAN.


Then watched movie the next day.
Then LAN again.


It has been a whole full day of celebration.
celebration, man.


3 more weeks.

Heard things are crashing down over at training.
we'll just see how linking up goes,
although it ain't gonna be pretty.


a little company would be nice.
I guess.

It's lovely weather for sleigh ride together with you

Been depressed lately.
Probably just a short down-time in my life.

If this is not me,
then who should I be?

Listening to Christmas songs
trying to convince myself that it's coming soon.
Desperately need a few days off.


Still in depression.
dammit.

Won't you save me San Francisco

back from exercise deployment + exercise dolphin.
We had differing views.
on whether this was worse, or BMT field camp.
Which said something.

It was pure inky black darkness hell.

Pretty much about it.
Legs have a new design.
Red polka dots.
Courtesy of Mosquitoes. Inc

so.tired.now.
haven't had a single wink in 3 days. save me.

Go get drunk.

Went holland v with the usual yesterday.
chugged beer.
had a graveyard.

Went straight down the alcohol lane.
ended up drunk.

Couldn't really remember much.
Just bits and pieces here and there.

I remembered puking though.
but that was probably about it. 

dammit.

I'm on a boat!

Drove assault boats. Best experience ever. The wind, the water, the speed...
The training was tough, but every-time the boat goes off,
it will be well worth it.

Exercises coming up.
But at least there is a 3 days rest.

Tired. ah wells.

I may feel like a fool, but I'm the only one dancing with you

So. this week.
I suddenly have nothing much to say.

Things are getting tougher back in camp.
But I'll probably last through,
like I always do.
Things are taking a change,
for the interesting.

We shall see how it goes.
If it is all it takes, I will maintain the balance.
Or

I should probably just take it all the way through.

Luck in a luck-less world.

So.
Bridging turned out better than I thought.
Much better.
Got selected for assault boat training.
heh.

I would say more,
except weekends keep getting shorter.
and i need them desperately.
especially to whine about how my weekends keep getting shorter.
yeapp.

we will see how it goes.

Always regret that you did, and not that you didn't

Back from another week in camp.
Last week there.
On one hand, life's there been tough.
on another, life at seletar will most likely be worse.
I think now would be a very good time for the phase out of the frying pan into the fire.
Or in my case, out of the field into the sea.
sea. water. river. gonna have lotsa fun. yay. (sarcasm detected)


Life outside still seems meaningless.
Been updating myself and learning new skills through books.
General information, abit of behavioral science, etiquette, and the such.

Sleep, for one, has NOT been enough.
I think I need more sleep than others...or something.
Always end up feeling more tired than others, 
even though I slept way, alot more.

But I guess at least I'm out now.
So I can enjoy myself, even if it is just for a while.

There might be shellscrapes.
There might be water.
There might be sleepless nights.
There might be hell.
Still, I'm hoping for the best.




And keeping my fingers very tightly crossed.
    








Very VERY tightly crossed.

Dying for the small talk

hey. back.

First, a big shout-out to all: Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday! Really appreciated it. Especially being in camp and all. Especially to yeongjing, yanjie and amanda who took me out to celebrate! =D

Next week marks the end of my basic engineering course.
then it's off to seletar for me. my permanent home.
A new life. New horror stories.


if there is one thing I've learnt from all this transition, it's that the first few days are always the worst. But it just needs some getting used to. Nothing is THAT bad. I hope.

Needa study for test tomorrow. And here I were thinking army could give me a break from studying. dammit.

have a great night!

She says she's no good

Roller-coaster ride.
Amazing how some weekends can be so packed,
event-filled, emotion-filled.
And some others being void of anything.

I need to balance out my life more, man.
Alcohol-ed and played my way through the week.
Supposed to study for Monday's test.
But I just realized I couldn't find my notes.
and the online system is just..... utterly useless.

Wonder why they did that system for us in the first place.
But I guess it's just them.

I need more time.
i don't have half a year to go.
I don't have a year to go.
I have a year AND a half to go.
It's just depressing.

But I guess it's just what I do with it.
That truly matters.

Some people gets the worse end of the stick,
some gets the better.
But those who are contented,
are not necessarily those with the better end.


I think I'm just spouting nonsense again.
Might as well.



     

Sometimes the cuts are so much deeper than they seem

Back, from another week.
The week passes fast.
I guess once you get used to it,
then you kind of close one eye
to all the horrors and dismay.

It was a fast week though,
went outfield every day.
Tiring, too.

I guess this is it.
I need more excitment in my life.

Speaking of life,
There is something very inherently wrong with me.
But I still can't seem to figure it out.
Maybe I'll get it one day.








Or maybe not.



Ah wells.

So sing along to my stereo

Getting better.
New command's seems to be still picking up.
Not bad, but I guess it sounds the old command still works.

heh.

Next monday is live firing.
for DEMOLITION.
awesome much.


wanted to say alot of stuff.
But everything just slips my mind.
When I slip into my comfort zone.
Right now,
everything's perfect.

Bye.

I wake up, to your sunset

This is not right.
There must have been a mistake.


What exactly, IS discipline?
Does it constitute barking every order at your men?
Or threats of punishment every corner one turns?
Does removing all sources of happiness, joy or motivation from your men make them more disciplined?
Or what about enforcing rules with a cold steel hand?


OR


Does it perhaps, concern the pride of every single man, when they CHOOSE to be disciplined in their actions on their own accord?
Or maybe, the motivation of the leader to lead and inspire his men to follow his image of discipline?
Does motivation, perhaps, play a more important role than punishment?
Or bending the rules with a twist, so one's men understand the reason for that rule, and thus follow it willing?




Something is being done very wrongly here.
People may succumb, fall to the fallacies of the higher order.
But I see the fault-lines, the problems in the system.
And you may push me in,
but be rest assured,
I will never fall.

My head is stuck in the clouds

I figured since my leave is so long I might as well do another post before I head back into my new life in camp.

So, compared to my PREVIOUS one week break where I spent 99.9% of it groaning in bed with a 40 degree Celsius fever due to a throat infection.

At least I am now enjoying myself. Have a major ulcer that keeps breaking after the previous one heals, but at least it's not stopping me from eating. So kudos there.


Played crazy hours of LAN, crazy hours of Pool AND spent lots of time just relaxing at home. I never knew all 3 of them could fit into one break. 

Now, if only I could find some time to sit down and read a book.


Life is good. And I got a new phone out of it...too.
Life IS good.


But alas, all good things never last.
But at least we know all bad things don't, either.
So it kinda balances each other out.
I guess.

'Oh simple things, where have you gone?'
-Keane

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad

So posted to Combat Engineer.
Everyone says it's like the worst posting ever,
but I figured...meh, might as well.
My dad said it was one of the toughest vocations during his time.
But after a while said it was for all the best,
since I was too scrawny and might as well build some size while I'm there.

I also got meself a new phone!
My old phone was getting really laggy,
couldn't seem to receive anything other than the no signal sign.
 Been dropping it alot lately though, while may explain why.

Block Leave count: 2 more days.
Got myself things to do.
Need to wake u p early tomorrow.
so... ciao! 

Hear my thoughts in every note

I feel the need to blog every weekend,
less of finding the need to tell the world what's going on,
but rather out of habit.

Probably also serves as an outlet to stop myself from going crazy.

My head is starting to hurt.
ouch.

Everywhere doesn't feel good,
come to think about it.

Burnt myself,
headache,
insect bites all over.

The list can go on,
but it shan't.

Cause I figured there's not much point,
if I've been forced into this anyway.

Might as well try my best
and see where this leads me.

I don't see it ending though,
not anytime soon.

Maybe something good is coming.

Next friday, a new posting order.
A new camp, a new life.

=)

Now I feel much better.
then before this post started.

heh.

If I was just another dusty record on the shelf

Have you heard the new single Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes?
If you haven't.... you should.
wonderful lyrics.

Didn't get to sleep last night, on COS duty.
Today's Chevron's trip was....surprising.
The speed at which they expect us to mature.
and it was just a few months ago when kissing someone in school was considered close to blasphemy. And alcohol was punishable by death.
We're out of nanny mode, man.

On another note,
My life here is ending soon.
On to a new destination, a new life.

one more week,
I wonder.

But the future's the future.
I should probably just sit down,
and enjoy the moment.

Even with my ulcer.
It's not gonna get me down.

Carpe Diem.

Bruises; Cover up your arms

So I went out for field camp.
tired as hell.

just reached home, hoping for a nice night at home.
And I realize that my internet connection is slow as hell out of a sudden.
and my dad enters

and forces me to work....DURING WEEKENDS.
like I do not even have the slightest time for myself already,
and he wants me to work.

It's ok to help someone,
but there must be a time and place what.

this is really ridiculous,
from my point-of-view anyway.
and i am pissed off.

so what if i am getting paid,
if i am going to work during weekends
then i spend my money on what.
soft drinks at vending machine ah.

i keep telling my dad no
and he keeps asking me to stop giving excuses.
and tells me to gain experience.

like there is a time and place to do that too?!
like... after ORD?!
or at least when I have more free time?!

I.AM.PISSED.

I am bloody tired from field camp.
and I have no time to rest,
and now I need to follow my dad down on sunday to be an assistant accountant.

and it is a weekly thing.
WEEKLY.

bloody.
ridiculous.

fuck, man.

this melody's meant for you

why.field camp. next week.
but ah wells.
I'm seriously thinking it'll be quite fun.
more fun than the previous tekong one, anyway.

everyone else seems to disagree though.
combat rations for one.

it's book-out again!
this time for 4 days.

awesume.
I need something.
can't figure it out.

on a happier note,
I'm out.
heh.

Take me by the tongue and I'll know you

hi.

back from RT.

Life here's good.
Training's tough, but they give us enough time to rest in between trainings.


Social life's taking a downfall, though.

No time to go out, meet up with friends, talk to people.
Kinda sucks.
But it's all gonna end... soon enough.

Everything's relative I guess.
So I guess I have my tekong training to thank,
in order for me to feel the life here is good.
eh heh.

So... what happens next?

I think I should know.

Back for another week.
Probably the last week I can ever come back on a friday.
ahh wells.

What is all this for?
Everything's starting to look...
nahh, can't find the word for it.

mundane?
busy?

There must be something better out there.
I just know it.

But it's too far away.

How to go about....

I am just spouting nonsense.
take that.

So let me be, and I'll set you free

Going back in.
Probably should have a post about what I did,
why I did it,
how I did it,
when I did it,
but,
I probably shouldn't.

Highs and Lows, I guess.

I need a surprise.
pleasant.

something good and exciting to come my way.
probably.

I am in misery.

Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
To-morrow.

New place,
New environment,
most likely new people.

Although people are saying it's gonna be the same few.
But it'll be nice to see them again, nonetheless.

My throat still hurts,
so that kind of sucks.
But I wonder what is to become,
of my life, from tomorrow.

I wonder,
indeed.

The silence is slowly killing me

Inactive.
Everywhere.
Online.
Outside.

Reason:
Throat Inflammation-induced high fever.

Passed around the platoon.
just before POP. dammit.

Went down on friday.
Tried to take it to survive the route march,
but totally crashed on saturday.

Went home, and fever shot up
up
and no medicine seemed to help.

up till 40C
started to get scared.
saw private doctor.

Told me about my throat inflammation,
gave me some pills.

went home, ate pills,
felt better.
Fever went down.

but still sucked.
because my throat still hurts
like a sword down my mouth.
and that sword has little evil mini daggers
that came out of it
and slashed my throat
like it was free throat skin night
or some
horror
like
that.

can't eat
can't drink
can't even swallow my saliva.

Pro:
slimmed down to absolutely.... I thought it was good.
my mum didn't, apparentally.

Con:
I.
CAN'T.
TALK.
I mean for some people it's ok.
but
I can't talk.

is
damn
freaking
seriously
irritating?!
like every conversation
everywhere
no input
ahwdociexhndc,mnreciujfw3

and all those age- old adage about how listening in silence is suppose to help or something?
meh. doesn't work.

and i couldn't even go online until today.
so that's it. Day 4 of my 7 days block leave.

Spent under illness.

make it stop already.

Cause I told you once, and I told you twice.

My last book in.
Supposed to be preparing now.
but ahhh.
no mood.
not alot anyway.

Horribly mixed feelings.
keyword being.... horribly.

I need to get out.
from here,
to another place.

everything is toxic.
toxic.
I need
to
get
out.



now.

Everyday I'm shuffling.

Last book out.
2 more days to last book in.

P.O.P

My BMT journey was... unique.
but I guess everyone says that.
their own special moments,
their own friends,
own inside jokes,
own glory,
own pride.

If there is one thing I learnt throughout this whole journey:
Being good at words does not make you good with words.

in 2 weeks time,
I will be off,
a new vocation.
A new life,
a new world.

I wonder.

Let the pain go.

White flakes flew across the land with increasing intensity, driven by the fierce winds from the north. The white landscape grew as the flakes settled where they land. No creatures, animals or humans were about, or stupid enough to be. The temperature sunk down to a record low. A wooden house lay in a clearing among the barren trees. Smoke rose in a wispy column through the chimney. Through the window, we sat. The fireplace gave out heat, but you snuggled in, as though knowing that my body gave out warmth. A sip of vodka, as we talked about nothing and everything all at once. Nothing could harm us here, for we are safe, from the world, from the cold, from ourselves.

Flashing Colours

Everything was vibrating. The walls, the floors, the bodies. Red, blue, green. Arms were in the air, legs everywhere. The music controlled the world, and it pumped the room in rhythm. Vodka, in my hands. The people, the walls, the colours, were mashing into one another. A whole entity of blur in front of me, the music moving my hands, my legs. No longer any control. I belonged to the music, belonged to the mash of hands and legs, belonged to the blur. More vodka, more cocktails. Sex on the Beach never felt sweeter, and red never looked more tempting. Up, down up and down, jump. to the beat of the music, the music was in control, all in control.

And then I saw you.
The music stopped.
Everything was still.

Cause I just set them up to knock them down

Just came back from my 2 weeks in the army.
Never felt so pleased being able to book out.

It may be due to the outfield,
may be due to POP soon,
or the high number of high-key events we had.
But it was a REALLY slow 2 weeks.

But at least I'm home.
H.
O
M
E

Life feels perfect.

Sometimes the cuts are deeper than you think

I found this in my mail today:

==================================================================

Hi Wenbin,

You have been selected for an interview with the Assistant Chair of Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information.

This is with regards to the college scholarship application offered by School of Humanities and Social Sciences, NTU.

The interview detail as follows:

Date: 27 May 2011, Friday

Time: 11.30AM

Venue: Level 4 General Office, Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information

=======================================================================
and today is.... Saturday.

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Making a decision, following it through,

and hoping for the best.

Should be alright.

Not much time.

Booking in...tomorrow, already.

I know many are still in the whole BMT thing,

But I for one really want POP to come. now.

Its no fun anymore.

Ah wells.

I hate having anything at all on my To-Do list.

dammit.

All the people in the streets know.

Booking out time
seem to get less and less.

Relative?
absolute?

Who knows anymore?

Binge, tv, online, gaming.

All speeds up.

Bang. bang.

No time, no time.

Wishing I could be with you; To share the view

Darkness everywhere. Our silhouette could barely be seen. It was the splash of the ocean, then came the breeze. Oh, the breeze. One could never forget the smooth feeling of tension melting away in the wind. The view of a million overhanging stars lighting up your face, that dim glow emanating from that angelic look you always hold. You smiled. Now there is something else I can never forget. A glass of vodka in each our hands. We were there, lying, alone in the whole world. Laughing about everything and nothing all at once. Another splash,another breeze, the rhythm of the world in sync with each other. The wind, the ocean, all of it, us. Darkness everywhere. But the warmth of the sun will soon come. We will have to leave, leave all this behind. Carry on with our lives. But don't worry, my dear. The sand, it will hold this moment forever, beneath the layers of sandcastles and seaweeds. It will hold on to this moment, until we come back, and uncover it all. Au revoir, my love. Au revoir.

We are halfway there

Living on a Prayer.

Field camp was hell.

Living in mud, rotten leaves.
Sleeping underground.
Worms, ants, anything and everything.

I am just glad
that it is all over.

I did not finish my shell scrape.
sue me.

Food tasted so bad, I just gave up on eating.
Had biscuits all the way.
Hyperventilated twice due to lack of food.
almost fainted.

ahh wells.
the life in the jungles.

In the la la land machine, I will stay the same.

Going back in.
few more hours.

Last post,
till the end of the world
as I know it.

Ciao.

Falling, on the concrete real fast.

So.......
Field camp next week!

Got the low-downs,
things to bring,
things to take note of.

Even tactics for rifle safe-guarding,
and food ration swaps.

Everything is locked, loaded, ready to go.

So why am I feeling so anxious?
Maybe because I am afraid my lung injury may come back and haunt me.
Or I would be chosen at my lowest.
Or maybe I would encounter some unforseen invisible monster that goes around killing everyone in the forest.

Or maybe,
just maybe

Everyone says its hell.

Who am I to say it will be hell?
I haven't seen it, haven't experienced it.
Sure it's gonna be tough,
but whoever said tough ain't fun?

So what if we get punished,
rolled into mud,
dig the ground apart
dig coffins?

All it does is wear one down physically,
but isn't your mental self the one that keeps you together?

Separate the two,
and you would have an excellent decoy.
Down physically,
but mentally alert, up, running.
laughing at everything, everyone.

Ah wells.

It will come when it comes.

Why won't you answer me.

Mood swings.

Don't we all just love them.

Booking in later.

My posts seeem to be getting smaller and smaller. hmmm.

I am invincible until I fall.

I have no weakness except for myself.

You are as strong as you want to be.

take me bleed me kill me.

This hurts. so much.

I need another story

is the world just merely a sphere of green and blue?
an entity so powerful that created the whole of universe?

Is pain eternal?
or is eternal pain?

Why do we rush?
when we can walk?

Is all there is, all there really is?

There must be something more than this.
An achievement we all overlook,
That glitch in the system... somewhere.

We just have to stop.
Stop.
And look around.

And there it will be,
right in front of us.

Stop.

So many questions,
so little answers.

A game show love connection

Back. Long weekend.

NAPHA (IPPT) next tuesday.
Hoping with crossed fingers for a pass.
Possible, but unlikely.

just gonna slack online I guess.

The nights are starting to get lonely.
and I start wondering why.

We got one time to get this right

If we were all trapped in a world,
where everyone looked exactly the same.
same clothes, same shows, same everything.

The world would probably just implode in itself.

Just a thought.

There must be something else I can do.

more?
or different?

If she dies,
would you die too?

Or would you just cry,
stand there like a fool?

Tell me you live,
in a sliver screen romance.

I feel like my head's still spinning

Just came back from Remedial Training.
Running was kind of easy.
I remember someone in front of me was complaining to me,
that I kept singing and shouting and talking during the run,
while the rest was busy huffing and puffing away.
HAHAHAHA.

Static was hell though.
But all for all, my arms and legs have never been strong,
so time to train them i guess.

Besides the fact that I am losing precious sleep time,
I actually wouldn't mind going for these trainings.

Since it is either this or stoning at home and using the computer,
I might as well do something productive...right?
and in camp it is all jokes, laughs, games and guitar.
while at home it is just me and the screen.

So now I am back.
in front of the screen.

Got a call from NTU yesterday,
but i couldn't call them back,
since their operating hours
are only on weekends.
sigh.

will figure something out i guess.

And i got invited to a Pre-Admission Reception Evening for NTU.
Wouldn't be able to make it,
defintely.

'Sir, Can i request to book out early to attend NTU's reception evening where I will be having good food, air-con and no PT while your recruits slave under the sun?'

LOL.

I need to pass IPPT in 2 weeks.
I
AM
GOING
TO
PASS.

screw everything else.
screw pain,
screw laziness,
screw sleep.

I never felt so alive.

Just don't let me disappear

Just watched 'four minutes'
nice movie.
creepy.
sad.

and there is this aching backache.
that
is
just
making me really grouchy.

with the movie.

and I just realized life down here is pretty much like life in prison.
Except you actually get your own room in prison.
and you have less items to pack.
no store items, millions of different attires, and whatsnot.
And as fun as coming out may seem to be,
it just makes you wonder,
whether that is all life has to offer.
a mere 48 hours.

giving you that small tantalizing taste of freedom,
enjoying yourself to the maximum,
before throwing you right back in,
leaving you hungering for more,
salivating for the next time you are released,
addicted.

marching, marching,
like little green men.
here, there, everywhere.
no one is different.
dirt of the system.

makes me wonder.

fuck this.

I am not in a good mood today.
so sue me.